


Chanyeol & XiuHan make a Porno

by deemonic



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, How did I do that, Humor, M/M, Porn-Director!Chanyeol, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:19:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deemonic/pseuds/deemonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol has too much money on his hands and likes to shoot his own amateur "reality porn". XiuHan are desperate for money. Eventually, smut ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chanyeol & XiuHan make a Porno

**Author's Note:**

> ...so, I've had an AO3 account for ages but never actually posted anything. Pretty sure I'm gonna mess this up, somehow. Also, x-posted from AFF.

“Say you’re dating a guy for a few weeks, everything’s peachy, you like him, he likes you. But then you hit it off and come to find he has a small… you know what. Do you break it off?”

 

“…his dick?” the girl -- who'd introduced herself as Kang Seulgi -- asked, clearly visualizing it. If the slightly sadistic smile blooming on her lips was anything to go by.

 

“God no, why would you think I meant that? The _relationship_.”

 

“Oh. Uhm, I dunno?” she shrugged. “How small?”

 

“About… this big.” Chanyeol wiggled an index finger in front of the lens, waiting for his camera to auto-focus on it. It was impressive, for a finger. For an imaginary penis, not so much.

 

“Yeah, definitely.”

 

“So what you’re saying is, size matters?”

 

“Guess it does, _but_ it shouldn’t be the size of a baseball bat, either. Average is fine.”

 

“And what if I told you this guy has a huuuuge... bank account. Would you date him then, maybe get it from someone else on the side?”

 

“What do you take me for, a slut?” Seulgi, in all her scandalized glory, huffed, turned around and all but ran off to the nearest pedestrian crossing, heels clacking rhythmically against the pavement as she went. 

 

“At least take your 20,000₩, you earned it.” Chanyeol shouted after her, but to no avail. Her loss, he thought. Time to find his next victim.

 

Life was good for Park Chanyeol. Sure he was a second year business major at Yonsei University – a potentially time-consuming occupation, but as the son of a wealthy CEO, heir to the corporate throne, Chanyeol knew he didn’t necessarily need to ace any of his classes. Just barely passing them would do; worst case scenario, his father would make a few phone calls to the right people and purchase him the shiny piece of paper stating he’d earned his degree.

 

This was exactly why Chanyeol had all the time and money on his hands, in order to pursue his highly questionable hobby. He’d grab his trusty, high definition video camera and roam the streets of Seoul, searching for an attractive girl, or guy – he wasn’t picky when it came to gender – to add to his collection of… private interviews, as he so lovingly referred to them. Whether or not they were amateur pornos didn’t matter; they were his babies – his one chance at creativity in an otherwise dull life of a future businessman.

 

Here’s how it went; Chanyeol would approach the pretty young thing, asking if they minded answering some questions for a school project of his, which served two purposes. First, he would try and find out just how desperate the other person was for some fast cash. Usually – very, considering he often fell on jobless college students. Second, he would figure how much of a prude they were, as in could they be persuaded into a by-the-hour motel room to perform some ‘tasks’ of the adult variety.

 

Most people had a price, especially considering both Chanyeol and his offers were rather attractive. An average monthly salary, more or less.

 

Chanyeol ducked down into a metro station, zooming in and out of people’s faces. It was rush hour, meaning the passageways and platforms were swarmed with a plethora of every shape and color. Chanyeol proceeded with his usual commentary of “Too ugly… I don’t like her dress… that dudette is way too motherly – uh huh, she has a child… woah, how old is _that_ girl? I’m not going to jail...”, as he dismissed girl after girl after a woman in her forties.

 

At last he had decided he’s not looking for a member of the opposite sex. Sure they were fun, some had nice racks and he could share the final product with his forever bestie – Byun Baekhyun. Never mind the latter was a peasant; claimed to not get Chanyeol’s fascination with converting good girls into sluts… and _so what_ if it would indeed be easier to hire a professional.

 

The guys, though, they were Chanyeol’s top guarded secret. There was something highly satisfying about waving a wad of cash in front of an allegedly straight boy’s face, watching them go against their every instinct as they dropped their pants for Chanyeol’s camera. That and Chanyeol maybe had a knack for making people question their sexuality, because about 20% of his male interviewees (as in, exactly one guy), had claimed they might reclassify as bi after Chanyeol was done with them. Or him. He still had Oh Sehun’s number somewhere on his contact list, but doubted he would ever use it.

 

Anyways, today Chanyeol would like a challenge.

 

…

 

Settling on the right male candidate wasn’t, by any means, easier. They were ‘too drunk’, ‘too in love with his hair’, ‘not too bad, it’s a shame you could scrub dishes with that moustache’ and ‘no, just _no_.’  Chanyeol was on the verge of giving up, when he had spotted _him_ – hunched over a deserted flower stand,  examining the roses. Or their price tags.

 

Chanyeol spoke to no one in particular, “Why, _hello there_.” He strutted over to the boy, who couldn’t seem to make his mind between the red and pink ones.

 

So engaged was he in the various bouquets, that Chanyeol took the opportunity to get a nice shot of his ass. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but it would have to do. Now if only this guy stopped trying to hypnotize a bunch of flowers.

 

“Hey?”

 

“Oh hey, how much for this—“ the guy turned around, clearly disappointed. “You aren’t the vendor, are you?”

 

“Nah, I don’t think they’re coming back anytime soon. Why don’t you take one and be over with it? I like the red ones, by the way.”

 

“Because I’m not a thief?”

 

“So you’re a decent guy, I like that. Would you mind telling me your name?”

 

“It’s Kim Jongin.”

 

“Jongin, hi. I’m Chanyeol. You’re probably wondering why I’m filming you.”

 

“Not really, man. I’m kinda busy.”

 

“Buying flowers for a special someone?”

 

“Yeah, my girlfriend. It’s her birthday.”

 

“And all you’re getting her is flowers?” Money issues, yes or no? Chanyeol hoped it was a yes; would make his life all that much easier.

 

“She can have me all to herself, what’s better than that?” Jongin smirked right into the camera.

 

 _So he was a smug little shit._ Chanyeol liked that about guys, it meant there was a bigger chance they wouldn’t shy away from him.

 

“ _Nice_. Well, I’ll tell you anyway – my friend and I have this bet going on. He claims having sex with guys is better than with girls. Because we know what feels good, whereas girls wanna be with you for the money. And I don’t believe him, so he dared me to check for myself. Wanna give me a hand with that?”

 

Gone was the smirk. “Uh, no. I’m not gay.”

 

“I know, me neither.” Chanyeol lied, not even blinking. Well, he did like girls. Mostly. “I just really wanna win that bet.”

 

“Wouldn’t that require you to have a really bad gay sex experience?”

 

“Who knows, I might have to admit my friend was right. What if I offered you… a million, would you do it?”

 

“No way, my girlfriend would kill me.”

 

“Aww come on, you could buy her the entire stand. Fill up her room with flowers.”

 

“Not interested, and if you don’t get lost I’m calling security on you.”

 

“It’s okay, have a nice day.” Chanyeol raised up his free hand, already backing off.

 

“…creep.” Jongin muttered, loud enough for Chanyeol and his camera.

 

…

 

Perhaps it was the wrong weather for fishing. Chanyeol sighed, shrugging one shoulder so his backpack full of goodies – mostly lube and condoms, wouldn’t fall off. “It’s 5:47 PM at Myeong-dong station,” he announced using his best news anchor voice, “and if Park Chanyeol doesn’t get some ass in, like, the next five minutes he will have no choice but to man up and call it quits.”

 

To his left, a wrinkly man in a sombrero of all things was busy preventing an infant being hit by a train, pretty lights and all. The usual. To his right, a guy in a pink sweater was having a one man battle with a faulty vending machine. _Interesting_.

 

Chanyeol stopped in his tracks, observing the young vandal on his screen. He was kneeling on the dirty tiles; one hand balled into a fist, hitting the side of the machine repeatedly, the other twisted in a weird angle, wedged all the way up the narrow slot responsible for releasing the cheap snacks – huge red warning sticker be damned.

 

Chanyeol zoomed in on the sticker, for laughs. **Attempts to Steal From the Machine May Result in Injuries and Death.** Well, wasn’t that ironic. The guy was either brave, illiterate or stupid. That or some combination of the three, in addition to really fucking hot, if you were into ulzzangs. Chanyeol was _definitely_ into ulzzangs.

 

By the time he’d stopped drooling and approached the guy, he was banging his pretty head against the shatterproof glass. Chanyeol shuddered and leaned down to tap his shoulder.

 

“Need help with that?”

 

“This brainless piece of junk stole my last money, and now my arm is stuck!” the guy whined, and there was a very high chance he was trying to kill Chanyeol, because – _that accent_.

 

“Wow, I’m not sure what to tell you. How about you relax and let it slip out, then I’ll buy you something else, from a different machine? That okay?”

 

“Why would you wanna buy me something?” he raised huge eyes at Chanyeol, but they were curious rather than suspicious.

 

“Cause I’m a nice guy and it hurts to see you giving yourself a concussion.”

 

“And what’s with the camera?”

 

“Oh that, don’t let it bother you. I’m doing a documentary of sorts for a school project… which reminds me, I still haven’t interviewed enough people. So if you let me ask you a few personal questions, I shall reward you with enough money to buy ten Snickers bars. You in?”

 

“Okay. I can’t go anywhere though; I’m waiting for someone.”

 

“Is it a special someone?” Chanyeol pried, again with the gender-neutral terms.

 

“Sure, he’s special.” the foreigner confirmed, smiling to himself. He’d finally wiggled his arm out of the carnivorous machine’s jaws, and was trying to get up by leaning all his weight onto it – an accident waiting to happen.

 

Afraid of getting trapped beneath a ton of electronics, Chanyeol offered a hand out and the guy accepted it, springing to his feet. Surprisingly enough, it felt like he would have a firm handshake.

 

“And does Mr. Special have a name? Wait, scratch that – you haven’t even told me yours. I’m Chanyeol, by the way.”

 

“His name is Minseok, I’m Luhan. And I have to stay put cause I’ve been here in Seoul for a week already, but Min still gets scared each time I wander off alone. He’s only a month older but I swear he’s like my mother in that sense.” Luhan complained. Chanyeol was doing a bad job hiding his frown — if that wasn’t a jealous boyfriend alert, he didn’t know what was.

 

Not that he didn’t get the guy, he did. If he was dating somebody who looked like Luhan, and on top of that had a tendency to talk to strangers and land into some pretty sticky situations, he would be jealous too. Good thing Chanyeol would never have the guts to date someone like Luhan – as in, a male. He could only hope this Minseok gets himself locked up in a public restroom, or falls and breaks a leg on his way to the vending machine. Meanwhile, he chose to focus on something else; if Luhan was straight off the plane, how’d he communicate by anything other than sign language?

 

“You’ve been in Seoul for _a week_? Where did you live before?”

 

“Beijing. Before you tell me my Korean’s decent, I’ve studied it intensively for more than three years, so that’s why.”

 

“It’s still impressive.” Chanyeol found himself admitting.  He had to think and fast, because something was telling him he wouldn’t convince Luhan to take off with him just yet. Chanyeol needed more time to plan this through.

 

He looked around, spotting an empty stone bench about ten meters from where they were standing. It wasn’t nearly far enough for his liking, but oh well… “So I was thinking you could go sit on that bench over there, and we could get chatting.”

 

“I dunno, I’ve promised to—”

 

“Oh come on, are you an adult or what?” Chanyeol exclaimed, then felt like cursing himself ten times over because he’d never asked for the guy’s age. “…you _are_ legal, are you?”

 

“I’m legal in America.”

 

Chanyeol was skeptical; he himself was about a year short of getting wasted in the USA. “No shit?”

 

“I can show you my passport, why?”

 

“Uhm, no reason. I need people over nineteen for the interview, that is.” Chanyeol gawked and gawked some more. Asking that question, he’d never expected Luhan to be _older_ than him. “It looks unprofessional if you’re standing up.” He added.

 

Luhan did some thinking of his own, scratching at the back of his neck. “I guess you can still see it from here.”

 

“Exactly. It should only take a few minutes, fifteen tops, and then I’ll give you 30,000₩ for your trouble.”

 

“Fine, I could use some money anyways.”

 

 

…

 

 

As soon as they’d reached their destination, Chanyeol regretted not investing in a tripod. Sitting on the tiny bench beside his current interviewee, he had to keep his hands all but on top of his head, in order to fit anything above Luhan’s chest into the frame.

 

“This isn’t working, I can’t see your handsome face. You mind waiting just a bit longer?”

 

When Luhan shook his head – no, he wouldn’t mind, Chanyeol got up and walked a few steps over to a truly hideous piece of outdoorsy modern art.

 

Somehow, the statue reminded him both of a couple having kinky, exhibitionist fun-times _and_ a dog relieving itself, but perhaps it would be useful for something other than terrorizing little kids. If Chanyeol managed to place his one-eyed friend in one of its many crannies, without breaking it.

 

It took time and inventiveness, but he did balance the camera inside what looked like a deformed ear. He turned around, ready to get back to business, only to find Luhan no longer alone.

 

The intruder stood behind the bench, palms covering Luhan’s eyes.  “Guess who!” he demanded. Luhan seemed far more interested in rubbing fingers over his knuckles.

 

“Advice: if you wanna surprise me, change hand cream. Did you know your hands are really soft?”

 

The guy looked taken aback. “…thanks? Now guess.”

 

“I dunno, a ninja?” Luhan took a shot in the dark.

 

“Right, you got me.”

 

Chanyeol was not convinced. A real ninja would have been aware he’s being filmed. He supposed the guy was the mysterious Minseok, though his brain refused to think of him as anything other than ‘shawty’. Or alternatively – ‘that precious little twink’.

 

Apparently, baby-faced people flocked together, and Chanyeol was going through an inner crisis. On the one hand, he no longer wished Luhan’s boyfriend took a head dive into a volcano.  On the other, he couldn’t for the life of him decide which one of them he’d rather get a room with. By the looks of it, he could have neither.

 

 Luhan motioned for Minseok to come occupy Chanyeol’s mentally assigned seat, and slid across the bench so that his knee was touching Minseok’s. The two then began discussing matters unrelated to Chanyeol and his pornography.

 

That, Chanyeol realized, was the main reason OT3s failed outside of sex, someone was always the third wheel. Seeing as relationships were never his forte, threeway or any way, he wasn’t too upset with this discovery. But rather with the fact he’d never, despite a prolific sex-life, been a part of any threesomes.

 

He made a promise to himself – to get into this happy couple’s pants, preferably at the same time, and have the tape to prove it. For now he listened in on their mindless chatter, fishing for details he could use to his advantage.

 

“—said they’ll call your number, but I think I got the job.” Luhan beamed. He sounded so proud of himself; it must’ve been one hell of a job.

 

“Awesome,” Minseok initiated a fist-bump between his fist and Luhan’s shoulder. “Do you get a broom closet?”

 

“…I suppose? I do have to store the cleaning supplies somewhere.”

 

“Is it big enough for us to sleep in?” Minseok asked, all the while keeping a straight face.

 

Luhan considered it, “hmm… maybe if we’re standing. Still better than in one bed with that klepto friend of yours.”

 

“What’s Jongdae done to you?”

 

“Snagged a pair of my briefs. The red ones.”

 

“Shit. I’ll make him return-… you don’t want em back, do you?”

 

“He can keep them. No luck with the loan?”

 

Minseok appeared as if he had been sucking on a lemon. “Interest is 10 percent.”

 

“Then why you pouting? What’s the catch?”

 

“Small print: _per week_. Do you know how much we’d owe in half a year?”

 

Luhan seemed thoughtful for an awfully short moment. “Around 10mil Korean. 9.85-ish?”

 

“How do you _even_?” Minseok’s eyes went wide, mouth halfway open, marveling.

 

Instead of freaking out, Luhan tilted his head to the side and mirrored Minseok’s expression, until both just sat there, giving each other looks of sheer devotion. Same devotion puppies showed their loving owners; or Baekhyun poured upon his latest girlfriend for a whole of two weeks, while the spark of a brand new relationship burned out. It was extremely nauseating to observe, for those who weren’t all that much into romantic dramas.

 

That, and Chanyeol generally wasn’t one to be left out of conversations involving stolen underwear. He made sure his camera hasn’t died of mushiness recording these two lovebirds, cleared his throat and interrupted their blatant eyefucking. “So Minseok, would you say a broom closet is your deepest, darkest sexual fantasy, or is that considered tame?”

 

 

“Excuse me, do I know you?” Minseok snapped. He pulled… something that was probably supposed to be a bitchface. Those just weren’t effective if they made you wanna pinch the person’s cheeks.

 

“That’s Chanyeol,” Luhan finally acknowledged the guy who’d promised him snack money, “he said he’ll pay to interview me for a school thing.”

 

“And what would his major be, sexual studies? I’m sorry, but that’s like that fake ass music agent all over again.”

 

“That guy _was_ from SM entertainment, he even showed me his card.” Luhan defended his poor life choices.

 

“So you never wondered why there’s a picture of a kimbap on it? I don’t know, Luhan, are you actively searching to get raped? Because I keep telling ya, not all Koreans are nice. You can’t walk off with people you’ve just met.”

 

“Says the guy who made me fly here all the way from China to move in with him.”

 

“You’re too trusting; don’t make me cuff you to a radiator.” Minseok threatened.

 

 Luhan pretended he’s intimidated. “But you can’t, think of all those dirty bathrooms.”

 

“Guys, _guys_!” Chanyeol threw up his arms, in hopes of getting their attention. “I couldn’t help but overhear you’re experiencing liquidity problems—”

 

“…we’re what?” it was Minseok who interrupted him. Luhan shook his head, clueless.

 

“You need money.” Chanyeol clarified. “And I need to pass my main course. I know my questions can be a bit… invasive, so I ‘cheat’, air quotes, by paying people off to answer them truthfully. I call it motivating my test subjects.”

 

“What _is_ your main course, anyway?” asked Luhan. It was about time someone did.

 

Luckily, Chanyeol had his cover story straight. “Sociology. Society and people, people and society. People _in_ society.” …mostly straight, considering he never studied sociology, “society affecting one’s behavior on a daily—“

 

“I think we got it.” Minseok put Chanyeol out of his misery.

 

“ _Right_. So my offer is: there’s a Starbucks across the street, we go there, have a nice chat over coffee and some cheesecake – my treat, obviously, and in the end I give you 30k each. Sounds good?”

 

Minseok frowned. “Sounds fishy. You’re willing to part with 60k to feed us cheesecake?”

 

“And ask questions. What do you think, Luhan?”

 

“I don’t like cheesecake,” Luhan admitted. “Can I have a chocolate muffin instead?”

 

Chanyeol kinda wished all of his conquests were so easy to please. “Of course. I’ll just go grab my camera off that statue and we can get going.”

 

“Come on, Min. It’s good money.” Luhan poked at Minseok’s side, causing him to twitch.

 

“I know it’s good, too good. But we’d be crazy to refuse it.” Minseok sighed, defeated.

 

_Bingo._

 

…

 

...

According to the clock on Chanyeol’s phone, it took Luhan three minutes and twenty three seconds to settle on some fruity tea drink, and another minute or so to reconsider his choice of a chocolate muffin. Twice. Minseok turned out to be much more agreeable, declaring he would have the same as Chanyeol -- blueberry cheesecake and a latte, except he took his fat free, sugar free, character free. Which led to Chanyeol overanalyzing this boring decision.

 

_Was it embarrassment over Luhan’s behavior?_

 

Whatever it was, it had saved them eons in an endless queue of middle-schoolers. It must’ve been someone’s birthday. The coffeehouse was packed to the point of bursting, chairs moved all around the place so as to accommodate the sheer amount of underage people.

 

And yet their chosen – in lack of other options – table gave off a false sense of intimacy, compared to the surrounding chaos. Probably because it was so small. On one side of it, Luhan and Minseok were huddled on a piece of unidentified green furniture. The thing was bolted to a wall, leaving so little space between it and the table, the boys were practically in each other’s laps. Neither complained about this physically impossible arrangement.

 

On the other side, with his back to the overzealous crowd, Chanyeol performed an emergency autopsy on his equipment. Figures the camera would choose this of all times to start with its _Error:_ _unable to read SD card_ bullshit. The other two were deliberately looking anywhere but at Chanyeol. At least they had the decency to not comment on his misfortune.

 

From the corner of his eye, Chanyeol observed as Minseok lost a staring match against his untouched piece of cake. That, or he was calculating calories. Finally Minseok dropped his fork, dug a thumb into the sweet mass on his plate, plucked out a frozen blueberry and ate it. Abhorrently slowly.

 

Luhan, who had meanwhile finished half his muffin, shamelessly gawked down at his shorter companion’s mouth. Whatever did he find alluring about a grown up person playing with his food?

 

Oblivious to the positively creepy stares he was receiving, Minseok took a sip of coffee, adam’s apple bobbing obnoxiously as warm liquid slid down his throat. He closed his eyes, let out a content sigh and Chanyeol felt a too-familiar stirring in his jeans. It wasn’t quite the time for that, _goddammit_.

 

“Can any of you fix this thing?” Chanyeol asked. By that he meant Minseok, he wasn’t sure he trusted Luhan with technology after the vending machine incident, but Chanyeol was never any good at throwing subtle hints.

 

“I can try.” Luhan offered. Chanyeol reluctantly passed him the camera, wincing when Luhan couldn’t figure how to turn it on. “How do you… never mind, I think I got it.” Luhan pulled out the memory card, blew air on it and wiped it on the bottom of his sleeve. He then inserted the card back and returned the camera to its rightful owner.

 

“And that’s supposed to make it work?” Chanyeol clearly doubted Luhan’s magical abilities. He didn’t believe in miracles, either.

 

Minseok was of the opposite opinion. “Yesterday he fixed my friend’s laptop by karate chopping it.”

 

“The CD-ROM was stuck.” Luhan explained.

 

Chanyeol pushed the power button, waited for the camera to boot and got the shock of his life when, instead of displaying the error, it welcomed him with a view of someone’s strawberry-shaped earring _._ “ _Interesting_. So how’d you guys meet?”

 

Chanyeol zoomed out of Minseok’s ear, pressed record, placed the camera on the table so that his hands were free and grabbed a fork. Some would consider eating while you’re conducting an interview rude and unprofessional, but hey – he’d never claimed he’s a professional. 

 

Plus you could get away with many things when you’re the one who’s paying.

 

“Luhan stalked me on Facebook.” Minseok answered, short but not really to the point.

 

“I couldn’t beat his dragons.”  Luhan muttered.

 

Chanyeol prompted him to clarify. “Which stands for?” Surely ‘dragons’ were a euphemism for… something. 

 

“His dragons? On Dragon City, it’s a Facebook game. Kinda like Pokemon.”

 

“ _Oh_.” Chanyeol couldn’t hide his disappointment – meeting on the internet was so anticlimactic _. Gays nowadays._ Then again, he had just finished catching up on How I Met Your Mother. Anything short of that paled in comparison. “So you got ‘paired’ with Minseok?”

 

“Yeah. I tried everything – leveling up, choosing different dragons, nothing.”

 

 _Damn_ , Chanyeol thought, _that boy is serious about his pixels_. “That must’ve made you angry.”

 

“You have no idea. I stared at his display pic for a week.”

 

“You poor thing.” Minseok chuckled. He raised two thumbs and pointed at his own face.

 

Luhan chose to ignore the teasing. “I looked him up and figured it’d be a nice way to practice my Korean, so I friended him.”

 

“And then you had to go and click like on _all_ of my pictures, even the really horrible ones.” Minseok… accused Luhan of being persistent in his internet-flirting.

 

 _Weird_.

 

No wonder Luhan got offended. “Look who’s talking. _Luhan-ssi sleeps like an angel, winky face-kissy face-exclamation mark._ I’m lucky none of my other friends speak the language.”

 

“I was returning the favor.”

 

“On a photo of me passed out drunk on Yixing’s couch?”

                                                                                                                                                                   

“I didn’t know you were drunk. You looked so peaceful.”

 

“Aww, thanks.” Luhan smiled, and everything was right again.

 

Chanyeol downed most of his latte in one go, bracing himself for an entire evening of Minseok and Luhan acting like a pair of friggin’ newlyweds on honeymoon. The worst thing was, Chanyeol was worried they’re not ready for a threesome – no matter how much he offered to pay. They seemed too engaged in each other to even consider letting a third party in at this stage of the relationship.

 

 _Oh well,_ he thought. He’d settle for the opportunity to film their sex tape.

 

…although they’d probably insist they’re ‘making love’.

 

_The horrors._

 

Chanyeol’s stomach rolled. “Well, _did_ you beat him in the end?”

 

“Not really,” Luhan shook his head, “we came to the conclusion it must’ve been a glitch. I messaged the developers and they fixed it, but we never stopped talking… so last year when I graduated college, Min convinced me to follow my heart and get all up and personal with your lovely culture. So far, so good.”

 

“I basically told him it doesn’t matter if he’s a struggling artist here or in China, but sure – our _lovely culture_.” Minseok grimaced as though he had a stick wedged up his ass. And if he didn’t get it out and soon, no one was getting laid in the foreseeable future.

 

“Why so pessimistic?” Chanyeol asked.

 

“Because it’s my fault we got screwed with the lease. But I learn from my mistakes – next time I’m reading the entire contract, even if it’s the volume of the last Harry Potter.”

 

“Would you care to elaborate? What happened, how much you owe, all that.”

 

“And that’s relevant to your study how?”

 

Again with the stick. Chanyeol appreciated attitude as much as the next guy, but Minseok was about one wry remark away from getting on his last nerve.

 

Why did he need to know? To find out whether he should run off to the nearest ATM. He had some money on him, but he would get more and pay off their entire debt if it meant getting both Minseok and Luhan’s cooperation. Not that Luhan on his own was uncooperative, per se, but he clearly didn’t make financial decisions in his and Minseok’s… not quite household.

 

“My _study_ will only benefit if I get to know the ones I’m studying. And I may know a guy who knows a girl whose dad is a real estate magnate. Win - win for everyone.”

 

“I’m sure you do.” So Minseok was a liar. At last, he sighed. “ _Fine_ , I was in charge of finding us a place to stay. I came across this relatively tidy one bedroom apartment that didn’t smell like cat piss and old socks _and_ the rent was only 1mil a month, so I went for it. Next thing I know, we owe them for six months upfront. Like, is that even legal?”

 

“Afraid it is, that’s how most leases work.” Chanyeol said.

 

“Crap, and here I thought we could take it to court. Now that I’ve told them to shove it we only have the one month cancellation fee. And endless humiliati—” Minseok trailed off. “Uhm, Luhan, _what_ are you doing? I thought you didn’t like cheesecake.”

 

“It’s not my favorite,” Luhan affirmed with his mouth full, already on his fourth or fifth bite of cake, “but you weren’t gonna eat it anyway. You’re no fun ever since you began starving yourself.” he remembered to swallow.

 

“I’m trying to eat healthier, not everyone has your metabolism.”

 

“And I miss your food-porn selfies, they always made me hungry at 3 in the morning.” And just like that, the cake was gone.

 

Minseok didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or both. “I… you… oh god, you’re impossible.”

 

As far as Chanyeol was concerned, Minseok liked Luhan well enough to try and lose weight for him, only to find out Luhan did not appreciate his efforts. Except Luhan had expressed his disapproval in such a cute, non-demanding way, Minseok couldn’t stay mad at him for longer than a second.

 

Then again, there could have been a thousand other reasons Minseok was doing this; such as ‘he could no longer fit into his favorite pair of skinny jeans’. As if the black ones he was wearing weren’t tight enough, and hadn’t clung to him in all the perfect places.

 

…Chanyeol decided that he sucked at psychoanalyzing, and should stick to his day job of doing absolutely nothing.

 

“What did you mean by _endless_ humiliation?” Chanyeol attempted to stir the conversation back where he wanted it to go. He missed having to deal with only one person. “I’m sure it’s not that bad, or is it?”

 

“But it is. I couldn’t think of a better arrangement, so we’re crashing with different friends of mine until we overstay our welcome.”

 

“Or they steal my underwear.” Luhan added.

 

“Yeah, there’s that.” Minseok continued with his rant. “And I don’t have many close friends... say Lu, how’d you like to live with my ex?”

 

“Which one?” Luhan asked, and Chanyeol understood a few things.

 

First, they were comfortable enough to discuss past relationships. _Impressive_. Second, ‘which one’ implied that there was more than one. Again, _impressive_. Lastly – third, Minseok was really desperate; why else would he suggest such an atrocity?

 

“The only one who’s still on speaking terms with me.” Minseok ‘narrowed it down’.

 

Apparently it was specific enough for Luhan, because he suddenly looked scared.  “Tell me you don’t mean Joonmyeon.” he demanded.

 

“…I don’t mean Joonmyeon?”

 

“But he—” Luhan began, then censored himself, suddenly mindful of the camera.

 

Lucky for Chanyeol and his curiosity, Minseok picked up where Luhan left off. “Married the chick he accidentally knocked up while cheating on me _without protection_? Uh huh. It’s a miracle I didn’t get a bucketful of STDs to go with the breakup.”

 

Chanyeol felt sorry for Minseok, he really did, but he needed to get one thing straight. “You’re telling me a guy cheated on you and you’re still friends with him?”

 

“I keyed ‘I heart dick’ on the side of his car and deleted his number. Then one day he calls me up, saying he desperately needs a babysitter, and that was before I worked fulltime so I thought, why not? It’s not the baby’s fault her daddy’s a manwhore.”

 

“Woah.” Chanyeol blinked. If nothing else worked out for Minseok, perhaps he should consider writing memoirs.  Chanyeol would definitely read those. “And how’d the wife react?”

 

“She thinks I’m the long lost cousin from Gwangju, makes me wanna add ‘someone with your surname’ to the list of guys to not date. The truth will probably come out if I keep missing family events, but guess whose problem it won’t be?”

 

“Or she’ll think it’s incest when he starts hitting on you again.” Luhan speculated. He could’ve as well announced he had such low self esteem; he didn’t believe that, given the chance, Minseok wouldn’t cheat on _him_.

 

“Hey, that was a onetime mistake. Never to be repeated.” Minseok tried to reassure his sulking boyfriend.

 

Luhan made his refusal clear by crossing hands over his chest. “I think I’d rather meet your parents than your infamous ex. Not after I’ve seen his FB profile.”

 

“You know my parents aren’t an option, right?”

 

“Yes, because you keep saying so. I just don’t understand _why_. Are they old-fashioned, or something?”

 

 “ _Old-fashioned_? More like super homophobic. Last time I invited a guy over, my dad called the police and told them a strange man broke into the apartment. He spent a night at the station and never spoke to me again, and he was Korean. I can’t risk big brother taking away your visa.”

 

Luhan gulped. “…he’d actually do that to his own son?”

 

Chanyeol assumed he had been living all his life in a giant soap bubble, where hatred, prejudice and the likes did not exist. It was nice and cozy, not to mention it served as a barrier, shielding him from the rest of the cruel world. Now that his evil boyfriend took a needle and jabbed it square into that one layer of blissful ignorance, Luhan looked about ready to burst into tears from all the soap that’s ended up inside his eyes.

 

“Or worse. I get it – you’re unreasonably jealous. But you gotta bear with me on this, just for a month or so until we get paid. Please?” Minseok reasoned.

 

“I don’t know.” Luhan shrugged, still playing stubborn. “Joonmyun's seen you naked.”

 

“ _Fuck_. Look, can we discuss this later, when we’re not being filmed by random strangers? I don’t feel like ending up on YouTube.” Minseok turned to Chanyeol, and gave him one hell of a ~~n adorable~~ stink eye. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

 

 “Immensely. You’re so entertaining; …from a totally anthropological point of view.” Chanyeol enjoyed it less when they kept treating him like he occasionally got sucked into black holes, but there was no way he’d admit to that.

 

…

 

 

 

“ _Alright_ , so here’s the deal – I’m researching extrinsic motivation.  Which is when your actions are driven by the reward you’ll get, rather than liking the activity.”

 

Sometime doing this, Chanyeol found out confusing people with scientific terms did wonders for his credibility.

 

“Like us agreeing to do this thing?” Minseok was not confused. He was playing with fire, though. Other people who were not Chanyeol might’ve refused to pay him.

 

“I was thinking more along – studying hard because your parents promised to buy you something if you get an A, and not because you think it’ll make you a better person. But sure, your example works too.”

 

“That’s fascinating.” Luhan’s entire face lit up, like he was actually interested in what Chanyeol had to say. Chanyeol would bet he spends his free time reading articles on Wikipedia. Or maybe he just needed a distraction from images of Minseok and some serial adulterer doing the unspeakable.

 

“That’s how things work in real life,” Minseok countered. “Everyone knows it.”

 

Read: your research is pointless.

 

“I’m sure not _everyone_ does. My question is – how far would people go, for the right reward? Now I can’t promise you fame, or social status, but I can offer you the most common of them all, money. And possibly internship in my father’s company, depending on what your degree is.”

 

“Music.” Luhan revealed.

 

Why was that not surprising?

 

Minseok nodded. “Likewise. It was something for us to bond over; we’re pretty different in all other aspects.”

 

 _I see that, I have eyes._ ** _And_** _I like Luhan better in that sense. However, you would both look great with rug burn on your knees_. – Chanyeol said, internally. In reality, he summoned up his best ‘I feel your pain’ expression. One didn’t need to be a music major to be aware they had a hard time finding decent jobs. “That’s unfortunate. There’s still the option of money, though.”

 

At this, Luhan perked up some more. “You mean, besides the 60k?”

 

“Indeed.” Chanyeol’s head disappeared beneath the table.

 

 He grabbed his backpack off the floor, unzipped one of the side pockets and pulled out an entire stack of crisp bills. He sat back up, counted sixty thousand in the smallest bills he had and divided them in two, then gave half to Luhan and the rest to Minseok. Unnecessarily, since they were practically one dysfunctional entity with a bad case of split personality syndrome.

 

“Here – these are already yours, count them if you want. As you can see, I still have plenty left.” Chanyeol made a ‘fan’ out of his remaining money and waved it around, making sure his hand gets documented on camera. He didn’t know why he did this, other than that it looked _artistic_.

 

“Are those legit?” Luhan had obviously never seen such an amount of Korean currency outside of movies.

 

Minseok, ever the suspicious bastard, raised his share of cash to the fluorescent light and began searching for the appropriate watermarks. He pouted when there was nothing wrong with it.

 

And for that, Chanyeol felt like smacking him across the forehead. ~~Preferably with his penis.~~ “No, it’s monopoly money. Of course they’re real. I’ll give you more if you complete some of my tasks.”

 

“What tasks?” asked Minseok.

 

“I don’t know, dares? Things you don’t do of your own volition? I usually make them up as I go. What do _you_ think I will have you do?”

 

Luhan took a wild guess that wasn’t nearly wild enough. “…chug hot sauce?”

 

“We’ll see about that.” Chanyeol ‘promised.’ He did some maneuvering in his chair and inspected the crowd, which had meanwhile thinned out remarkably. How long had they been sitting there, exactly? Chanyeol needed to get this show on the road if he planned on getting anywhere; he only had one spare battery.

 

He studied the female half of the patrons, mentally scratching them all off with their plaid skirts and frilly blouses. _Underage, underage, underage… woah, jailbait._ It was as though girls over nineteen never visited Starbucks anymore. _Yes, finally._ Chanyeol turned to his unsuspecting victims. “Let’s start with something easy. Minseok, you see that fine piece of ass by the frappuccino poster? I want your honest opinion.” He pointed to the girl in question.

 

Minseok flinched back so fast; the back of his head hit the wall. Chanyeol didn’t get it. Yeah, so he’d made the right choice picking Minseok for this mission – because he’d pegged him for someone who would be wary, if not outright terrified of the fairer sex. But it’s not like Chanyeol had asked him to go dissect a pussy while it’s still alive..?

 

 Surprisingly enough, Minseok then got a grip on himself and retaliated with his weapon of choice – sarcasm.“Two plus one on frappuccinos? Sign me up!”

 

“Don’t be a smartass.” Chanyeol warned him. Minseok visibly considered saying something else, but didn’t, and Chanyeol took it as a sign of compliance.

 

 Minseok gave the attractive girl a once-over, frowning. “Okay, honest opinion – I don’t think she has much of an ass.” He concluded.

 

“I like her braids, they’re cute.” Luhan put his two cents in, like somebody was asking him.

 

“Braids, seriously? That’s what does it for you?”  Minseok’s raised brow said it all – he was judging Luhan. Hard.

 

“Yeah, they make you look innocent.”

 

“ _You_ look innocent, are you attracted to yourself? Stare in the mirror and go _‘holy shit, I’d do me’_?”

 

“Only when I get new haircuts, and stuff…” Luhan admitted.

 

“I’m dating a narcissist.” Minseok mock-sniffed.

 

Chanyeol’s left eyelid twitched, but he successfully fought off the eyeroll. “Ahem. Luhan, wait for your turn. Minseok, I’m the one asking the questions here. Now that we’ve established that poor girl doesn’t do it for you, I’ll give you a 100k to get her number. How’s that for motivation?”

 

“You’re kidding, a hundred thousand for that?”

 

So did Minseok think it was too little or too much, which one was it? Chanyeol hoped it was the latter. “Do you want less?”

 

“No. I… I wouldn’t know how to hit on girls. What if I fail?” Minseok turned out to be a nail-biter. Luhan grasped at Minseok’s wrist and pulled it down into his lap, before he mutilated himself any further.

 

“It’s okay, Min. I have faith in you.” Luhan said.

 

“Good, because I _don’t_. What if she doesn’t like me? Or has a boyfriend? Or a _girlfriend_? Or… or… she sees right through me… ” Minseok went on and on and then some.

 

“Relax, _would ya?_ ” Chanyeol snapped. “I’ll give you 40k to try, another 60 if you actually succeed.”

 

“Just so you know, this is way out of my comfort zone. Can’t Luhan do it?” Minseok readily volunteered his boyfriend for the job.

 

“No, he can’t.” Chanyeol declined the generous offer just as readily.

 

“Why not?” Luhan wondered. “I don’t have a problem with it.”

 

“Yeah, _exactly_. You’re too extraverted, which would beat the purpose of this experiment.” Chanyeol explained. It also had to do with the fact Minseok had managed to annoy him earlier, but what Luhan didn’t know wouldn’t hurt anybody. Much. “So, _Min_ , you doing this or what? I’m still waiting for that number.” And yes, this was no way to talk to somebody who was your sunbae _and_ your hyung, but frankly, Chanyeol couldn’t care less.

 

“I want the 40k first.” Minseok insisted. However small, for Chanyeol it was still a victory. 

 

“You sure you’re not secretly a lawyer? You’re so mistrusting. There you go.” Chanyeol separated four 10,000 notes from his stack and passed them over to Minseok, who immediately pocketed them. Like Chanyeol would attempt to take the money back if he could.

 

It was almost as comical as when Minseok resorted to climbing over Luhan’s thighs to get up, because the Chinese didn’t get sign language for ‘move over’.

 

“…ouch?” Luhan protested.

 

Minseok stood by their table, nervously clutching at his fingers. “So how should I do it? Do you wanna, like, hide behind a column and film it, or…?”

 

That was actually a good idea, but too much like work. “Nah,” Chanyeol dismissed it, “knock yourself out.”

 

Luhan went as far as shouting ‘hwaiting!’ – appropriate hand gesture included –  to wish Minseok good luck, then leaned onto his elbows for a better view. Minseok stalked off towards his target; head hanging low as though she’d eat him if he came too close. 

 

From what Chanyeol could see, Minseok had told her something, she invited him to sit by her and they had talked. And talked some more, giggling -- quite forcedly, in Minseok's case -- about one thing or the other. About ten minutes later, just as Luhan was getting ready to run over there and save his man, Minseok returned with a few digits on a crumpled napkin.

 

This time around, Luhan jumped to his feet to let Minseok retake his seat. “What took you so long?” he inquired of Minseok, who looked positively exhausted.

 

“You don’t wanna know.” Minseok assured him, right before blindly slumping with his head against the table. Weirdly enough, it had missed his empty plate.

 

“ _I_ wanna know.” Chanyeol said, already laying out more money.

 

Minseok mumbled something, which sounded a lot like “this was the longest conversation about Etude House vs. Nature Republic that I’ve had in my entire life.”

 

Chanyeol was not pleased with this answer. “Did you fucking tell her you’re gay?”

 

“You never said he couldn’t.” Luhan pointed out, as he petted the weakly-protesting Minseok’s hair.

 

To his horror, Chanyeol realized Luhan was right. “No, but it was implied.”

 

“…if it helps, I didn’t actually _say_ I’m gay.” Minseok had finally decided he’s being ridiculous, so he sat up straight, and only then it became visible he was blushing so hard, the tips of his ears were red.

 

Whatever it was, Minseok had probably earned his 60k fair and square. Didn’t mean Chanyeol wasn’t curious about it. “Then what _did_ you do, the proverbial tongue-in-cheek motion?”

 

“Uh, no. I tried to flirt with her, I swear, but… I didn’t know how, so I told her I like her nail polish. It’s not my fault if she assumed things.”

 

Chanyeol felt his jaw dropping, but did nothing to stop it. No one was _that bad_ at flirting with the opposite sex if they were any good at it with their own. Which led Chanyeol to the conclusion Minseok was the type to wait until the other guy makes the first move. No wonder he was so open about his sexuality, otherwise he’d never get laid at all. “ _Okay then_ , congratulations on your newest fag hag.”

 

It was time to up the stakes. If Luhan, and subsequently Minseok, went along with the next, far more sexual request Chanyeol had come up with while Minseok was gone; chances were they would go all the way. “Next task is for Luhan. I’m gonna put the camera between my legs and give you a hundred… no, a hundred and fifty thousand to unzip your boyfriend’s pants and play with him.”

 

“What the… right here?” Luhan sounded less eager than Chanyeol would have liked of him.

 

“Or we could take it to the bathrooms, but here there’s a smaller chance you’ll get caught.” Chanyeol reasoned.

 

“That’s it, we’re out of here.” Minseok declared, then probably regretted he was once again on the far side of the exit, because Luhan had fallen into a stupor and was blocking his escape route.

 

He shoved at Luhan’s side, only to receive a _**wait, let’s hear what he has to say**_ face from the taller foreigner. Minseok huffed and stared into his half full glass of tepid coffee, hoping it would give him the answer as to why his boyfriend is so fucking gullible.

 

“Oh come on, it’s not like you haven’t done this before.” Chanyeol argued. “Unless you have something against handjobs.”

 

“Actually, we haven’t.” Luhan confessed, to which Minseok gladly added “Not that it’s any of your business.”

 

They haven’t jerked each other off at all, or haven’t done so _in public?_ Because if they’d told Chanyeol they took a vow of celibacy and now all they do is cuddle, it could prove to be a _very_ serious drawback. “I don’t mean the exhibitionism part.”

 

Luhan nodded. “Yeah, we haven’t really done anything sexual yet.”

 

“Come again, why the hell not? Don’t tell me you’re a virgin.”

 

Would Luhan make a convincing virgin? Chanyeol prayed to the heavens that was not the case.

 

“What, _no_. It’s just that, we’re never alone, you know. Haven’t had occasion, unless Skyping counts.” Luhan over-shared.

 

Oh _right_ , they lived with Minseok’s buddies. Chanyeol heaved a sigh of relief. In his opinion, virgins were more of a nuisance than a turn on, except for them straight boys he could potentially corrupt. “That’s great though, isn’t it? I’m giving you a chance to finally do something, _and_ you will get paid.”

 

“So that’s why you needed to hear all about our money problems.” Minseok put two and two together. “I knew you were a pervert, there’s no way you’re doing this for school.”

 

“And how would you know that? I could make it very… clinical, introduce you as subject A and subject B and be all, ‘subject A exhibits reluctance initiating intimacy with subject B’s privates’…”

 

Minseok remained a stony wall of distrust. “Nice try, still not buying it.”

 

“ _Fine_ , I’m not researching anything. I’d give you a gold star, except you think everyone’s a pervert. Sooner or later you were bound to get it right.” Chanyeol stated, and Luhan literally cracked up – full-on throwing his head back and smacking palms against the table.

 

Chanyeol had no idea what his deal was. Then again, he didn’t know Minseok as well as Luhan did, so he wasn’t sure how far his ‘thou shall not take candy from a stranger’ paranoia went.

 

Luhan laughed, and laughed, up until Minseok flicked him in the forehead. “You wanna tell me what’s so friggin’ funny, _Lulu_?”

 

“N-nothing.” Luhan hiccupped, still trying to calm down. “You gotta admit though, he’s pretty harmless as far as perverts go.”

  

“Yep, that’s me – a harmless pervert.” Chanyeol couldn’t decide whether to take it as a compliment, or what. “How much did you say you owe, a million? I’ll give you more if you agree to play by my rules for the night.”

 

Luhan had finally regained some form of composure. “More than a million won? You must want something huge.”

 

“What can I say, I’m not an altruist; you’ll have to work for it.”

 

“He wants to sell our kidneys on the black market.” Minseok ‘translated’.

 

Chanyeol felt a distant ache right about where his kidneys should be. Or was that his liver? He shuddered nonetheless. “Damn, how do you even come up with this crap? If it wasn’t obvious, I wanna get us a motel room and watch you familiarize yourselves with each other’s bodies. “

 

 “So you wanna film us having sex.” Luhan had an epiphany.

 

“Not only film, _direct_.”And possibly join in, although Chanyeol knew not to get his hopes too high with these two.

 

“Why would you need to direct it; is there a script?” Judging by the ambivalent expression on Luhan’s face, he was picturing the plumber who’s come to ‘unclog the pipes’.

 

“ _No_ , but I’ll tell you what to do and when, and you will do it. The better you perform, the more you’ll get paid. There shall be bonuses for outstanding performance.”

 

“What porn site do you work for?” Luhan asked, like it mattered. Who knows, perhaps he needed to approve of the website before he agreed to do this…

 

Anyhow, Chanyeol chose to stick to the boring truth. “I don’t. The only place you’re winding up is in my private film collection.”

 

“So you’re just horny, rich and don’t know what to do with all the money?” Minseok pretty much summed Chanyeol up. “Cause if you wanna tell two guys when to have sex, you could always buy The Sims. I’ve heard it’s cheaper.”

 

“…I’ll give you a bonus if you promise to lay off the cynicism.”

 

“You’d pay me to shut up? I think I like you.” …at least Minseok’s smile was genuine enough.

 

“All the better.  So this is it, no more charades. It all depends on how much you want to pay off your entire debt and still have money left to get an actual apartment.”

 

“Do we get a say in this?” Luhan asked. “If we don’t want to do something, can we refuse?”

 

“I might ask you to reconsider, but all in all –  yes. We’re all consenting adults; I’m not forcing you into anything.”Chanyeol didn’t even have to lie. He may have had a tendency to objectify his sexual partners, but he was not a rapist.

 

“That’s cool. Min?” Luhan sought out Minseok’s approval.

 

“What? I know you wanna do it cause you hate my friends.”

 

“I don’t _hate_ them; I like them from a safe distance.”

 

“Yeah, okay. But don’t blame me when I get performance anxiety and can’t get it up.”Minseok shifted in his position, crossing one leg over the other.

 

Luhan put a hand on Minseok’s knee, to try and comfort him. “You’ll be fine.” He said.

 

Yes, hopefully they’d all be fine. Chanyeol grabbed for his cellphone and dialed reception at a nearby place that charged by the hour.

 

God bless them seedy motels.

 

…

 

The love-motel room, reeking vaguely of rose-scented air freshener, had turned out to be significantly less seedy than it was preposterous; in a ‘this is a typical porn setting’ kind of way. As soon as he’d switched on the overhead lights, the primarily red décor – aspiring but failing at romantic – began screaming particularly loudly at Chanyeol, something along the lines of _help, a Valentine’s Day sale exploded all over me._

 

Park Chanyeol had encountered worse in his strange line of not-quite-business.

 

“Still can’t believe we’re doing this,” Minseok announced, taking in the bizarre surroundings. He stopped a short distance from the doorway, suspiciously eying the unmistakably heart-shaped bed, along with its maroon duvet, swirly black bedframe and a pair of complimentary handcuffs of the fuzzy type hanging off the latter – for those of us feeling exceptionally adventurous.

 

Upon noticing the handcuffs, Minseok burst into what could only be defined as nervous giggles, shoulders shaking, mouth halfway covered by a loose fist. Although you couldn’t quite tell whether they were the result of utter mortification or some guilty excitement of sorts.

 

Luhan – pointedly neglecting both the amateur bondage accessories and his boyfriend – walked over to the bed, bent in the waist and began patting the mattress, testing for… elasticity?

 

Chanyeol caught himself thinking that if it was Minseok doing this, he’d be feeling around for the hidden corpse, but seeing as it was Luhan, the bed was merely being judged on its bouncy qualities.

 

Once he had deemed the level of bounciness satisfactory, Luhan took a seat on the edge of the bed and nonverbally beckoned Minseok over, by tapping the spot beside himself.

 

Eventually, Minseok broke out of his giggly reverie and plopped down beside Luhan, then leaned onto him until shoulders and knees were touching and snuck an arm around his waist, because evidently personal space was overrated. 

 

Meanwhile, Chanyeol had finished setting up the camera to his liking, so the entirety of the bed was in the shot but the plush armchair facing it wasn’t. He’d decided to, for once, remain ‘the voice behind the frame’, at least for the time being.

 

“Aye, let’s get down to it,” Chanyeol said and waited to receive some sort of affirmation from both his ‘actors’. He reclined back in his chair. “Should we start with that handjob?”

 

“I honestly don’t know if I can even get hard.” Minseok warned, but carried on and unzipped his jeans regardless, and dragged them down his legs to rest around his ankles.

 

Luhan began by stroking over Minseok’s thighs, offering much-needed reassurance. Never mind Minseok had just confessed to doubting his ability to get him off. It was merely the stage fright. _Hopefully_. “Ignore the camera,” he said, “just look at me.”

 

Clearly dueling himself, because he may have been on his best behavior but it was still obvious how much he currently wanted to retort with something to the likes of _‘yah, who wants to look at you, you ain’t_ that _hot’_ ; Minseok settled for “yeah, okay.” He flashed Luhan a tiny smile of encouragement.

 

Luhan then proceeded to, for the very first time, introduce his fingers to Minseok’s cock, concealed as it was by a pair of plain boxer-briefs. Minseok inhaled sharply, gaze flickering from Luhan’s eyes to his hand, then back up to his mouth.

 

Luhan’s tongue was peeking from the corner of his lips in concentration, as he rubbed Minseok through his underwear with quite surprising hesitance, and Minseok decided that, the hell, he wanted a taste of that tongue.

 

“Fuck, come here,” Minseok demanded. He reached out to grab at the front of Luhan’s sweater and yanked him over, so that their mouths collided in a spontaneous kiss. It didn’t start off slow, instead immediately dissolving into a flurry of tongues and lips with an occasional hint of teeth.

 

Basically – it wasn’t the most graceful of kissing, what’s with Luhan still somewhat focused on the task at hand. There was probably too much saliva involved, for it to be considered all too photogenic; their noses bumped from time to time and when they did, Luhan would let out a soft chuckle at Minseok’s frustrated little huffs. He toyed with the hem of Minseok’s briefs, seemingly undecided on whether he’d rather try and pull them off, or carry on with the extended foreplay.

 

All in all, they seemed to thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. Too bad whatever position they had somehow wound up in, with Luhan hovering halfway over his boyfriend’s lap with no actual way of undressing him, Minseok’s fingers in his hair and teeth scraping vigorously against his adam’s apple – _because it seemed Minseok wasn’t above vampirism_ – wasn’t too flattering for Chanyeol’s camera.

 

“ _Ahem_.” Chanyeol cleared his throat, seeking attention. “Minseok, why don’t you stand up? And take your underwear off. Actually, you know what, take everything off while you’re at it, you can give each other hickies at your own apartment.”

 

Sufficiently motivated by the prospect of a place to call his own, Minseok rose to his feet and followed Chanyeol’s instructions to a T; never mind he was of the opinion it was totally unfair how Luhan hadn’t yet lost but a single piece of clothing. He sulked over the dire injustice, standing butt naked in front of Luhan and absently massaging his lover’s scalp, in lack of anything better to do with his hands.

 

“Mmm, feels nice.” Luhan was quick to inform him. Slowly, he trailed curios hands down Minseok’s chest, openly admiring the texture of his skin.

 

Luhan must’ve realized the current angle was very much perfect for him to nuzzle Minseok’s bare stomach, so he did just that, then wrapped both arms around his waist and nipped himself a path up a hipbone, tongue dipping into an especially tempting bellybutton.

 

Which was a part of Minseok’s body that wasn’t his half-hard cock. Oddly enough, Minseok did not object to any of this.

 

Chanyeol felt equal parts exasperated and aroused at this lovey-dovey couple’s blatant refusal and/or inability to follow direct orders.

 

It was certainly _refreshing_ ; Chanyeol was usually forced to talk his conquests into each new action, and here they were agreeing to all that jazz only to get utterly distracted by their own whims and desires.

 

 _That’s cause they’re an actual_ gay _couple,_ he reminded himself. Or whatever it was Luhan identified as, which obviously included being interested in penises. He couldn’t help recalling Minseok’s The Sims remark; where was that ‘turn off free will’ option when you most needed it?

 

“Alright,” Chanyeol said, “change of plans. Luhan, how about you suck him off?” he suggested, because perhaps if Luhan’s mouth was occupied with a penis it would stop wandering off to irrelevant parts of Minseok’s anatomy.

 

That seemed to have done it. Minseok nodded his consent; and Luhan braced himself with a palm on his hip, using the other one to guide the tip of Minseok’s semi-interested cock to his lips. He gave a tentative lick across the head, gentle fingers tugging a few times at the length, then moving over to cup and play with Minseok’s balls as Luhan went ahead, swallowed his boyfriend halfway down his throat and _sucked_.

 

And sucked some more, every so often drawing back to tongue at the sensitive glans and glimpse up into Minseok’s eyes with uncontested adoration.

 

As he felt himself grow unbearably hard in Luhan’s mouth, Minseok let out perfectly undignified noises and flushed a bright pink. Because he was a liar who had lied about not being able to attain a boner.

 

Chanyeol chuckled at Minseok’s predicament and shifted in his seat, straining to relieve the undeniable pressure in his own pants. He _would_ pull himself out for a rub, except he didn’t want to spook ~~Minseok~~ the couple off.  The other reason being he’d found himself rather enjoying the self-torture, but Chanyeol wasn’t ready to address this newfound kink of his just yet.

 

Since Minseok had appeared as though he might cum any moment, that and possibly pass out – eyes crammed shut and steadying himself with hands on Luhan’s shoulders lest he collapses and hits his head on the side of the bed; Chanyeol opted to take him out of his misery… by denying him an up and coming orgasm.

 

“Guys, that’s enough,” he instructed, somewhat curious as to whether they would even listen to him at this point.

 

 Well, he did promise them bonuses, did he not?

 

“Uhm, what’s up?” Having regretfully let go of Minseok, Luhan puzzled over Chanyeol’s abrupt decision.

 

Minseok wobbled on his unsteady feet but managed to drop back onto the bed, against Luhan, as opposed to the floor. Probably for the best, considering he was naked.

 

“Oh nothing, I just thought Minseok would like to reciprocate?” Chanyeol smirked quite evilly, watching as Minseok struggled to process this new request.

 

Minseok’s brain-to-mouth filter malfunctioned, “sure, should I do it through his clothes or— shit, sorry, give me a moment.”

 

“Guess I better undress,” Luhan said. He didn’t wait to receive the go ahead from Chanyeol, instead beginning to swiftly pry random articles of clothing and footwear off his body and blindly throw them every which way.

 

Once sure Luhan could see his face, Minseok mouthed a silent _thank you._

 

Chanyeol gaped at the exchange, positively dumbfounded. He didn’t know whether to give 10 points to Luhan for dedication to his boyfriend, or dock them off for effectively ruining the shot with the complete mess he’d made of the ‘set’. So naturally, Chanyeol did nothing.

 

When Luhan lost his pants along with underwear, it became plainly visible there was not a single person in the room who wasn’t hard.

    

“Why I’ll be damned, you’re even bigger in person.” Minseok exclaimed, sounding especially impressed.

 

Which only served additional proof that dick-pics tend to be inaccurate.

 

“…thanks.” Luhan shrugged the compliment off; instead of, you know, looking rightfully smug about it.

 

Chanyeol had come to the belated conclusion Luhan was an alien in at least two definitions of the word.

 

“Yes, kudos on your enormous penis,” he quipped humorlessly.

 

It was an okay-sized one, but nothing extraordinary. It didn’t look much larger than Minseok’s either, if at all. Chanyeol fought the urge to whip himself out for a short session of good old dick-measuring with both Luhan _and_ Minseok. Today’s footage was already promising to be a total bitch to edit, he was _not_ deliberately adding himself more work.

 

Speaking of footage, Chanyeol got up from his chair and walked over to where he’d previously placed his camera, made sure that it was still recording this… whatever it had been, and returned to thrust it into Luhan’s hands.

 

“What should I do with it?” Luhan asked.

 

“Go sit against the headboard so Minseok can lie between your legs, then you can film him giving you a blowjob.” Chanyeol proposed a personal favorite of his – ‘POV porn’.

 

Luhan complied by scampering off to assume the position.

 

Minseok rolled onto his belly on the bed and crawled over to Luhan, to rest on elbows in between his spread thighs. He spit into a palm to make the slide slicker, then grasped at Luhan’s cock, fully intending to go down on the slightly younger male. “Okay?” he asked.

 

“Uh, wait, I don’t think you’re in focus.” Luhan halted him with a raised finger.

 

Minseok was not amused; Luhan had switched the camera to manual and was spinning the focus wheel on the lens, staring at the digital screen on the back of the device, instead of directly at him. Minseok lowered himself further to the mattress, pressed Luhan’s dick to his right cheek and made a V sign with his other hand, grinning toothily.

 

“Cheese,” said Minseok, as he… posed for the camera.

 

It was about time Luhan had finally focused on his boyfriend’s silly face, for he began laughing and shaking so hard the bed kept smashing into the decorative wall behind itself. Not to mention Minseok was still holding onto his ever persistent erection. 

 

“ _You know_ , acting like children doesn’t earn you any bonuses,” Chanyeol outright whined; he couldn’t believe these _men_ were _older than him_.

 

He was about to resort to parading the cash in front of them again; supposedly, responsible adults were into money.

 

Minseok stiffened at the mention of bonuses. “I’m sorry, we’ll behave,” he said. “Right, Luhan?”

 

“Yeah.”  Luhan confirmed, nodding enthusiastically.

 

 Taking advantage of the fact he still had Luhan’s cock right where he wanted it, Minseok licked a long stripe up the side of its shaft, followed directly by a few firm strokes of the hand. He repeated this a few more times, before it became clear he was purposefully slobbering all over Luhan, so that it’s extra sloppy when he covered his teeth and finally engulfed him into the wet suction of his mouth. Minseok hollowed his cheeks, lips in a perfect circle as he applied the exact amount of pressure to have Luhan undergo a strangely gratifying mini-seizure.

 

“God, _Min_.” Luhan panted out, all but keening, then promptly decided to sink teeth into the flesh of his own wrist, _painfully so_. He didn’t want to spoil Chanyeol’s film with his extremely wide range of embarrassing noises.  

 

Yes, that’s how little sense Luhan’s lust-addled brain made. Because, in your typical porno, exaggerated moans were generally a big yes. As opposed to Luhan’s camera-hand shaking at approximately 9 on the Richter scale, while he desperately tried to stifle those very moans. Which was a _hell no_.

 

Minseok was about to send a single digit on a journey to Luhan’s hole – who didn’t like some prostate action with their grade A blowjob – when he felt a fairly distinctive tinfoil square land on the small of his back. Lips sliding off Luhan’s dick with a wet sorta _plop_ , he turned to send questioning looks Chanyeol’s way.

 

“Yes, Mr. Director?” he probed.

 

Chanyeol ignored his brand new title, “I’ve figured we should at least make use of them free handcuffs, so whichever one of you is into that—“

 

“I somehow doubt either of us is into softcore bondage.” Minseok sounded so very sure of it, up until...

 

“Well—” Luhan began, without really thinking. As in, before his conscience caught up with his mouth to inform him _it’s one of these times_ , and so he should at least _attempt_ at censoring himself the hell up.

 

“Huh, anything else you wanna tell me, Lu? Want me to choke you while I’m at it?”

 

“Maybe. Not hard or anything.”

 

“So ‘ _gentle choking’_?”

 

“I guess,” Luhan confirmed, possibly unaware Minseok was at least partially messing with him, “…but not if I’m bottoming, that’s probably a bit too intense,” he belatedly added, not wanting to freak Minseok out too soon.

 

_Baby steps, Luhan. **Baby steps.**_

 

“Are you saying you want me to ride you while you’re handcuffed, _and_ choke you? Cause lemme tell ya, this is so not how I imagined our first time together.”

 

“Why, how did you imagine— _hey_ , you’re the one who started with the choking.” Fiercely blushing, Luhan turned to Chanyeol, in hopes of being saved from the kink-shaming. “So, uhm, let’s all forget I said anything?” he tried.

 

“Oh no, please do go on.” Chanyeol stretched and made a show of cracking knuckles over his head. He then extended a hand towards Luhan, asking for his camera back.

 

Minseok had finally come to terms with the fact his virtual-turned-real-life boyfriend had neglected to inform him of how he was into some pretty ‘interesting’ bedroom practices. “…wow. You know what – fine, I’ll do it. You got lube, right?” That last part was aimed at Chanyeol.

 

So _did_ Chanyeol have lube? ~~Was the earth round?~~

 

“I always come prepared,” Chanyeol said, pausing to check if anybody looked surprised. They didn’t.

 

He retrieved a small tube of clear lubricant from his backpack, and tossed it to the bed next to Minseok – leaving him to perform his magic, aka the dull but necessary process of prepping himself for the main act. For Chanyeol strongly believed some things were better left unfilmed. He then moved on to try and fasten Luhan’s wrists to the bedframe using what turned out to be very flimsy handcuffs. 

 

While Chanyeol tested various combinations – almost as if he was a burglar set on cracking an especially tricky safe – Luhan kept silently following Minseok’s every action with round, unblinking eyes. Which would’ve been a great deal more disturbing if they weren’t already dating.

 

 

 

As the locking mechanism clicked on the second cuff, Chanyeol turned to Minseok, in order to announce Luhan was ready for him to use as he pleased. That’s when he regretted not having filmed Minseok scissoring himself open, because by then the oldest looked fully debauched.

 

Minseok was lying on the narrow side of the weirdly-shaped bed, fringe sticking to his face, entire body glistening because he either was _indeed_ a vampire, or merely from being covered by a very even sheen of sweat. His eyes were closed, teeth worrying at his lower lip as a hand worked steadily – back and forth – behind his back.

 

So who the heck would guess how many fingers he’d had up there by now… two, three? Did it feel good? Yes, judging by his hard cock it did. Was he imagining it’s Luhan?

 

Chanyeol swallowed audibly, readjusting his pants. “Uhm… _Minseok_. He’s all yours, so whenever it is you’re ready…” he got up in search of the best angle to film everything.

 

Minseok scooted over to Luhan’s side of the bed. He spent a while testing the restraints for himself – concluding he had no idea whatsoever as to how well they’d actually hold, but wishing for the best – then ripped the condom out of its wrapper, rolled it onto Luhan and finished by drizzling a generous amount of lube over the entire assembly. Throughout it all, Luhan stared blankly into space.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Minseok asked. He tilted Luhan’s chin in order to establish some eye contact.

 

Luhan shrugged. It looked as though he’d been rendered speechless by the realization he’d once again landed his sorry ass within a gravely compromising situation; except this time around he’d managed to drag someone very dear to him along for the fall.

 

How hard was Minseok judging him, exactly?

 

“You’re never letting me get away with this.” He mumbled weakly. 

 

“Nah, I’ll live.”

 

Minseok pulled him in for a kiss much gentler than their previous face-devouring, which earned him a gasp, followed by general sounds of approval from Luhan. He kneeled on either side of Luhan’s thighs, spread his legs wider for balance and threw a hand behind himself so as to finally accomplish what they were hopefully being paid for – _don’t think about the camera, don’t think about it, **fuck**_ – him sinking all the way down Luhan’s cock.

 

Once he was seated snugly on Luhan’s lap, waiting for the familiar burn of being stretched to become somewhat pleasurable; Minseok’s hands came to lock behind Luhan’s neck and he leaned ahead so that their foreheads rested against one another.

 

Luhan used the proximity to whisper some incredibly sappy-sounding things at Minseok. “You know, I really, _really_ like you.”

 

“Same, same.”

 

“You’re cute.”

 

“Ha, should’ve known you’d be a mushy top.”

 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Been told I’m mushy when I bottom too.”

 

“…please never change.” A moment or some passed, before Minseok shut Luhan up for good by turning to nibble along the shell of his ear.

 

Chanyeol allowed them this one moment of intimacy, waiting patiently for Minseok to catch his breath enough to get on with the program. He’d at long last placed his tool of trade onto a handy shelf on one of the walls and returned to his beloved armchair, to finally free his cock from the confines of pants and boxers and grant it some overdue workout.

 

Not wasting any more time, Minseok helped himself by clutching at the bedframe and gave a tentative bounce. He’d soon established a faltering, barely-sufficient rhythm, up and down and up again, one palm moving to grip at Luhan’s neck with the promise of something much more sinister.

 

They both knew Minseok most likely won’t follow through, won’t try to _really_ choke him; at least not without sufficient research. But just the firm press of fingers against his windpipe was enough to have Luhan’s heartbeat resounding in his ears, enough for him to disregard everything else that wasn’t Minseok – including but not limited to the total stranger currently jerking himself off not five meters away from them.

 

It didn’t help Luhan had no use of his hands – itching but unable to touch any part of Minseok’s warm, inviting skin, the cheap unpadded cuffs digging into his wrists each time he’d forget that one important detail and try to get himself some leverage so he could try and thrust upwards into all of that enticing heat and tightness and... 

 

“ _Goddammit_. Minseok, please uncuff your boyfriend before he starts bleeding.” Chanyeol forced out, one hand still working frantically over his leaking cock. He threw the tiny key in Minseok’s general direction and hoped he’d catch it, because apparently the latter was already too far gone to notice Luhan’s incompetent struggling.

 

Whoever had been under the impression these two didn’t need Chanyeol’s guidance to have safe, non-lethal sex, had just been proven categorically wrong.

 

But – oh well, at least Minseok had the decency to look downright crestfallen about it – apologized several times in a row, and even went as far as kissing each of Luhan’s newly freed wrists… since simply rubbing at them wasn’t cheesy enough in his book, or something or the other.

 

Luhan was torn between basking in the undivided attention – because Minseok-senpai had noticed him – and frowning cause he’d, once again, been deprived of the chance to cum.

 

Except he was in no position to complain. To put it very lightly, mind-blowing orgasms usually weren’t the main point of shooting porn.

 

Chanyeol sighed. _Time to wrap this party up._ “Just… please find some _harmless_ manner to finish each other off,” he said, because – contrary to popular belief – he wasn’t a monster.

 

All too eager to comply, Minseok flipped onto hands and knees. Which had transformed into face and knees, as soon as Luhan had positioned himself behind Minseok, caught him by the hips and plowed all the way into his well-lubed entrance. Because it’s much more fun to drool all over the duvet than to try and look composed and dignified and whatnot while being so thoroughly pleasured by your favorite person ever.

 

Besides, Minseok had figured he could very well ignore the hell out of Chanyeol’s existence, providing he closed his eyes and pressed his face into the mattress with enough determination. Add that to some assistance from his trusty right hand, to complement the damn near overstimulation of Luhan hitting all the right spots, and soon enough Minseok was plummeting over the edge – hot, sticky liquid messing up the red fabric below him.

 

Luhan followed suit shortly afterwards, spilled into the condom and slumped onto Minseok’s back, resulting in both of their exhausted, naked selves tumbling to the bed. Minseok could only yawn into Luhan’s conveniently placed arm, as warm weight of another sweaty human pressed him further down into the mattress.

 

“And now,” Chanyeol said, hyperaware he was about to be a total jerk… and loving it, “whoever passes me the camera and comes over to suck me off will get a humongous bonus of— I’ll have to check how much cash I have left, but you _will_ get it.”

 

Yes, he knew they’d probably end up sharing whatever fortune he bestowed upon them anyways, but posing it as a competition sounded all that much more exciting. Unless either outright refused to touch him with a long-ass pole, in which case it would just be sad.

 

“M’afraid I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” Minseok muttered, and Luhan took it as his cue to kindly roll off him.

 

The two then engaged in yet another wordless conversation – _creepy –_ which could probably be summarized into: _‘we’ve already come this far, so I will let it slide, **only this once** , if there’s enough money involved’,_ from both sides.

 

“How much are we talking about?” Luhan asked.

 

In the end, it was predictably Luhan who sprung to his feet to retrieve the camera – having made a slight detour to dispose of the used condom – and returned to drop to his knees in front of Chanyeol’s chair; because it turned out Minseok wasn’t lying when he said he could no longer get up.

 

It also turned out Luhan swallowed.

 

Chanyeol’s favorite part of the entire ordeal _would’ve been_ the utter glee on Luhan’s face, as he counted Minseok and his shared earnings for the evening. Except for how his brain kept making these ridiculous comparisons of Luhan to a kid at the candy store, on Christmas morning, and whatever other ‘kid idioms’ Chanyeol had been previously unaware of knowing. _You don’t get to compare people to kids minutes after you’ve come down their throat._ Following much shuddering, Chanyeol decided Luhan looked like he had won the lottery.

 

Because you needed to be legal to participate in those.

 


End file.
